Who Are "They" Anyway?

So when you have a kid you hear alot of people comment about what "they" say. Here are some examples along with some of my thoughts....

"They" say that you should sleep when he sleeps.

Hmmmm....maybe next time I'm out driving I'll dose off to the hum of the engine? Sounds dangerous. Or perhaps I'll nod off while we are out for a walk, about half way around the block from home...would that be weird or should I try it?

"They" say sleeping through the night is defined as a 5 hour stretch of sleep.

Hmmmm...so if he goes down at 6 and wakes at 11 he has slept through the night? Well then what am I crying about? Geeze, what world are "they" living in...that is so ridiculous. Here is a hint for "them", why not define sleeping through the night as SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT.

"They" say that when you are changing a diaper, no matter how stinky it is, you should keep a pleasant face so that you don't make your baby self conscience.

Hmmmm...considering I spend about 23 hours and 56 minutes of the day praising his every move "you are so handsome", "you are so smart", "you are so sweet"....and kissing him all over...I think that I can spend a minute or two gagging. Esp now that he is eating solids (solids in, solids out). These few minutes will keep him grounded, right? We don't want to raise a full egomaniac do we? I assure you my sweet boy will not grow up thinking his s**t don't stank...